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Friday, 28 January 2005
A Halloween Story
Mood:  a-ok
I want to share this with you all now, because its a hilarious story, and I'd probably forget all about it by Halloween.

When I was young and before I got started in the private sector, I was a fifth grade teacher. For those of you who can't recall, fifth grade is the school year that typically lets the kids do more "grown up" kinds of things. They change clasrooms, change clothes for gym, and they do NOT dress up for Halloween in school. Anyway, this one boy- let's call him Mark- heckles me starting October 1 "Mr. Candra, let's have a Halloween party! Mr. Candra, please let us dress up!" Blah Blah Blah.

A little extra background on Mark. Mark was one of the dumbest kids in the class, possibly one of the dumbest students I had in the 2 1/2 years I taught elementary, God bless him. He'd believe almost anything he was told. The kids actually got him to drink toilet water once because they told him he'd turn invisible, and he believed it when they all went "Hey, where'd Mark go". But I digress.

I was having a bad day, and Mark starts up on this Halloween costume thing. So, I send him off on a quick errand to get some tissues from the nurse. While he's gone, I tell all the other students that we're not dressing up for Halloween, but don't tell Mark.

When Mark returned, I took him outside to talk to him in private, and told him we had a class vote, and we would dress up for Halloween on Friday, but the only costume choices were babies or clowns, and you couldn't tell anyone what you were going to dress as. Mark's face lit up, and I knew I had him.

When Friday came around, Mark came to school in one of those one piece pajama sets with the feet. When the other kids saw him, they couldn't stop laughing. Realizing what happened, Mark started to well up a little bit, and this other kid goes, "What's the matter Mark, do you need a bottle, or did you make a stinky?" We called hime "Baby Mark" for the rest of the year. It was the funniest thing ever, and Mark learned a valuable life lesson.

Posted by Al at 9:41 AM EST
Updated: Friday, 28 January 2005 10:29 AM EST
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Thursday, 27 January 2005
Funniest Site Ever!!!
Mood:  silly
Thanks to Steve Wait till you guys see this one. Totally hilarious stuff! A little racier than my usual fare, but considering who it deals with, it's a must see!

Posted by Al at 8:10 PM EST
Updated: Thursday, 27 January 2005 8:11 PM EST
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Rules of the Blog
Topic: Blog Rules
Yesterday, I actually had to delete some comments from a participant, and almost banished him from posting here anymore. Then I realized, I had never really posted any blog rules. So, here goes:

Rule #1: Censor yourself if you must curse. Typically, you'll notice on my posts will have a word with a dash in the middle. These words suggest a bad word without being the bad word. Also, you'll notice that the only time I'm using foul language at all is when I'm quoting someone else.

Rule #2: Avoid threats whenever possible. I give a little more leeway on this one, because threats can be interpreted in different ways.

If we all stick to these rules, it will help contribute to the flow of dialogue.

Thanks,
Al

Posted by Al at 8:46 AM EST
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Wednesday, 26 January 2005
Let's All Calm Down Now...
There's a lot of people (a loud few anyway) getting upset over some come comments recently made on this blog regarding gay people, so I guess I better clarify.

I have nothing against gays. The thing is, I feel it's a bad habit, like picking your nose. Nobody feels bad about making fun of a guy who picks his nose, so what's the difference if you make fun of a guy who likes other guys.

I hope this makes everything clear, and helps reduce any hard feelings.

Thanks,
Al

Posted by Al at 2:48 PM EST
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Tuesday, 25 January 2005
Osama bin Gay-Married
Mood:  a-ok

This is the funniest thing ever! Herb, you rule!

Posted by Al at 3:19 PM EST
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Awesome picture
Mood:  a-ok


I hope we shall soon see this day. Thanks to Herb for sending this in.

Posted by Al at 9:20 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 25 January 2005 9:22 AM EST
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Are We There Yet?
Mood:  loud
I'm going to put an article about this on the Page of Outrage when I have time, but I've been busy swatting flies over the last couple of days. Does anyone else have an issue with Ice Cube being in this family film "Are We There Yet?". I just found out this weekend that Ice Cube used to be in a rap band called NWA, which stood for N-ggers With Attitude, and wrote rap songs like F--k the Police? Shouldn't our families be concerned? Where is the outrage?!

Posted by Al at 8:37 AM EST
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Monday, 24 January 2005
What's the Deal with these Liberals?
Mood:  loud
Topic: Outrage!!!
I'm starting this out with a pseudo-quote from Jerry Seinfeld, for two reasons:
1. I really do want to know what the deal is with these liberals.
2. It's paraphrasing Jerry Seinfeld, who I find very funny, even though his religious views are likely different from mine, thus further demonstrating my tolerance of most people.

I visited a blog of a liberal this week, and posted a response which was intended to help him see what real Americans think. Instead recognizing my point of view, the blogger decided this was some way of soapboxing about how he feels about people who care about American values and decency, and then took it further with some mock conversations. Well Mr. Liberal, here's the shoe on the other foot.

American: Social Security is in Crisis.
Liberal: No it's not, and I want to get gay-married!

American: George Bush stands for American values, and will help spread freedom throughout the world.
Liberal: George Bush does not support my right to gay marriage and abortion, so I'd rather support a candidate who endagered the lives of numerous Vietnam veterans.

And so it goes. I guess the poet Robert Frost said it best. "Good fences make good neighbors".

Posted by Al at 10:09 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 24 January 2005 11:18 AM EST
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Thursday, 20 January 2005
The Inauguration
Mood:  happy
What an awesome day! I just welled up with pride, not just knowing that W won, but knowing that the great and decent people of this country made him win. Decency overpowered the America-hating liberal elites. Christianity overcame the sodomites. Four more years!

Posted by Al at 3:12 PM EST
Updated: Thursday, 20 January 2005 3:13 PM EST
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Thursday, 13 January 2005
Randy Moss
Mood:  cool
You'll probably be surprised to hear this, but I don't get what the big deal is about Randy Moss prentending to moon the Green Bay Packers last week. The key word here is "pretending". Let's get a slight grip here, people. I actually found it kind of funny. Let's think about it this way:

1. Showing your buttocks, in the relative scheme of things, is fairly low on the list. Pretending to show one's buttocks is not even on the list.

2. I would have found it very offensive, on the other hand if he had pretended to sodomize Brett Farve, although in a metaphorical sense he did do hat.

Posted by Al at 8:39 AM EST
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Friday, 7 January 2005
Christmas Vacation
Mood:  energetic
Well I'm back from Christmas and New Year's vacation. Like I said in my earlier posts, best Christmas ever! It appears just about everyone has had the holidays off, judging from the lack of posts on the old blog here. C'mon guys, let's get some good dialogue going here!
I'll give you a great topic to go on. My lovely wife Laura bought me a Glock for Christmas. She went through a huge hassle when she told the guy at the WalMart she was buying it as a gift because of the background check. I think people have gotten carried away with this whole background check thing, and it should be repealed. I can only imagine how many families are disappointed at Christmas when they either cannot get the gift they want for Christmas, or the surprise is ruined due to these stupid technicalities.

Posted by Al at 1:02 PM EST
Updated: Friday, 7 January 2005 1:04 PM EST
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Thursday, 23 December 2004
Gay TV
Mood:  irritated
Article posted on my website. Share your thoughts.

Posted by Al at 10:27 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, 23 December 2004 10:29 AM EST
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Tuesday, 21 December 2004
"Holiday" Party
My wife's office had a "holiday party" last Friday night. I guess they're too afraid of the ACLU to call it the Christmas party that it was. I do have a question though. I don't have much detail on it though, since spouses were not invited.

Posted by Al at 9:04 AM EST
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Friday, 17 December 2004
Merry Christmas!
Mood:  happy
At this hectic time of year, I just wanted to stop and take a moment to wish all readers of this blog a very Merry Christmas, whatever religious persuasion you are. Even if you are not Christian, take part in the festivities anyway, and maybe you'll learn where you've been mistaken all these years. You can start small- a wreath on the door, maybe some lights.

Posted by Al at 10:29 AM EST
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Wednesday, 15 December 2004
Dogs on Acid
Mood:  loud
Topic: Outrage!!!
Apparently, there's this new documentary out called Dogs on Acid (Acid is another name for LSD, a hallucogenic). My sources (thanks Heywood) tell me the premise of this movie is this: They get a Pit Bull, Rottwiler, or other attack dog wound up on drugs, then let him loose in a playground full of preschoolers! Does anyone know which studio is behind this, so the United Outraged American Families for Decency know where to focus their wrath?

Posted by Al at 9:16 AM EST
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Tuesday, 14 December 2004
W
As an update to my previous post, W is simply awesome. It's so cool how he can speak Spanish when he is talking to hispanic crowds. How can people say he's not brilliant?!

Posted by Al at 8:45 AM EST
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Michael Moore-on
Mood:  cheeky
I really think Michael Moore is a jerk and hates America.

Posted by Al at 8:43 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 15 December 2004 6:16 PM EST
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Outrage!!!!
Mood:  loud
Topic: Outrage!!!
A reader e-mailed me yesterday with some information about a disgusting shock rock band which I have posted on the Page of Outrage. WARNING- disturbing image and content.

Posted by Al at 8:42 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 15 December 2004 9:17 AM EST
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Monday, 13 December 2004
Okay, I Get It
Mood:  blue
Even though I personally think it's a great idea, I'm going to lay off the whole "department store Jesus" thing. I've gotten very little positive feedback regarding this. I talked to the manager's of two different malls, and the shift manager at our local Christian bookshop, and we have no takers. None of them said this, but I'm pretty sure they are just trying to appease the secularists and not rock the boat. Anyway, Im going to leave this subject alone for now.

Posted by Al at 9:40 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 13 December 2004 10:19 AM EST
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Friday, 10 December 2004
Help Wanted
Mood:  quizzical
Does anyone know somebody who looks like Jesus that is of a decent moral standing which I could take their picture? People you really know and talk to, not Johnny Damon. Send me an e-mail if you do.

Posted by Al at 8:12 AM EST
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